A real report, receipts included
No mockups. This is an actual verdict from the analyzer — the founder volunteered his own vowels. Everything below is exactly what you get: the pinpoint, the blend, and the deep dive.
We ran the numbers.
You're so aggressively Midland you make newscasters sound sloppy.
Best guess
The Midland, USA
75%
Sure of it
Your perfectly flat vowels and classic American R put you right in the center of the map.
// Your accent blend
Your neutral, balanced vowels anchor you firmly in the American heartland.
Your fully merged vowel sounds match the vast open spaces of the West.
A subtle, rhythmic spacing of syllables that gives your speech a very clear beat.
// Your accent on a map
// The word that gave you away
Your back-of-the-mouth vowel here rules out any trendy California influence.
// The numbers
Accent strength
25
Newscaster neutral
Reading pace
859 WPM
Speedrun. The vowels never stood a chance.
73 words in 0:05
Melody
40
Controlled baritone cadence
Your voice stays in a steady, measured lane, landing statements with a flat, declarative finish.
// How you compare
Ranked against every voice this thing has ever heard.
Accent strength
P19
A thicker accent than 19% of everyone we've heard.
Melody
P49
More musical than 49% of everyone we've heard.
Reading pace
P99
Faster than 99% of everyone we've heard.
// More words that gave you away
You merged this vowel completely, making it sound identical to 'bought'.
You flapped that middle 't' into a quick 'd' sound: 'hoddest'.
You used a completely flat 'ah' sound, avoiding any East Coast or Southern raising.
“UH” ×1 “UM” ×1 “Y'KNOW” ×1
You barely stalled at all, keeping your thoughts as tidy as your vowels.
// The marked-up script
The passage you read — every highlighted word testified against you.
// Accent twins
Kal Penn
You both share a crisp, highly articulate Midland base and the merged 'cot' and 'caught' vowels.
Hasan Minhaj
You share his precise, high-energy cadence and metronomic rhythm, reflecting a subtle South Asian heritage influence.
// Reading you vs. rambling you
Performance gap
Barely a filter
You kept your vowels remarkably consistent, only speeding up and letting your signature metronomic rhythm shine in spontaneous speech.
// What we heard
Your conservative GOAT vowel
You keep words like 'bold' and 'no' firmly in the back of your mouth, resisting the lazy West Coast drift.
heard in: “bold”, “no”
▸ For the linguistics nerds
Unfronted realization of the /oʊ/ diphthong
The 'cot-caught' merger
You pronounce 'dollars', 'hottest', and 'bought' with the exact same open-mouthed 'ah' sound.
heard in: “dollars”, “hottest”, “bought”
▸ For the linguistics nerds
Low back vowel merger of /ɑ/ and /ɔ/
Your flat American A
Words like 'bath', 'plan', and 'half' share the same flat, nasal 'ah' sound without any fancy British stretching.
heard in: “Pam”, “plan”, “bath”, “half”
▸ For the linguistics nerds
Consistency of the near-open front unrounded vowel /æ/ across pre-nasal and pre-fricative contexts
▸ 2 more from the field notes
The lazy T-flap
You turn your middle Ts into quick Ds, making 'butter' sound like 'budder' and 'eating' sound like 'eeding'.
heard in: “butter”, “eating”, “hottest”
▸ For the linguistics nerds
Intervocalic /t/ flapping to [ɾ]
Your metronomic cadence
You give each word its own crisp, even-timed beat instead of sliding them all together.
heard in: “arcade”, “tournament”, “hottest”
▸ For the linguistics nerds
Syllable-timed prosodic substrate influencing a stress-timed language
// Language influences
South Asian-influenced English
Your syllables hit with an even, metronomic beat rather than the typical American slide.
// Also
- · Your rhythmic precision is so neat it almost sounds like you're reading a teleprompter even when you're completely winging it.
// The share card
Every verdict comes with a link and a card. Drop the link in the group chat and this is what unfurls — the one-liner, the region, the blend. The report stays yours; the card does the bragging.
Your turn
Where have YOUR vowels been?
60 seconds of reading. One nosy question. One very confident verdict.
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